I'm hurting and I'm alone

I have tried so many times to write about this girl I'm falling in love with and how I feel and how we met. I just can't seem to get it right. I want it to be perfect and I want to explain everything. But I can't. And I hate it. But right now I need to talk about how I'm hurting. 

I'm fAlling apart so bad right now and I'm all alone. I don't have anyone to talk to. Of course I have my family, my siblings, but they won't get it. Know one will understand this empty feeling I have inside. I don't know how to fix it. And I don't even know if there is a reason. That's why it's hard to talk to anyone. Because even I don't understand what is happening to me. 

I wake up just feeling so icky and depressed. Thankfully, lately, the weather has been amazing! And it puts me in a good mood. Everyday I wake up with the hope that today will be a good day and it has been starting out that way lately. But then as the day goes on, it kind of goes down hill. Nothing good happens. I don't get to see the one person I want to see the most. 

Growing up, I had the best group of friends. All the way through high school. Now in college, I haven't had a consistent group of friends. And I don't know how to deal with it. It tore me apart first semester when I was losing everyone and I felt so alone. This semester has been better. I am getting really close with Maranda who I knew from last year but we weren't close. But the only thing I'm worried about is last year I got close with someone and now this year we don't even talk. Stupid stuff happened and now it sucks. So I'm just so worried that I'm going to lose everyone again. 

That's all for now. I can't keep going on about this. This all sucks but I still try to find some sliver of good. It's hard but I can't still smile at when I think of th r good times with this girl and her amazing smile and laugh. I am so sad but one day I won't be, right?

Choosing Happiness

Hey everybody!

Lately I have been having a hard time. I've pretty down, I have been letting every little thing bother me. It is taking a toll on me and the people around me. But I have decided to choose to be happy. I read this quote,

"You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying attention to."

- Robin Williams

I then found this video on Youtube and it was really powerful. It discussed that our happiness is controlled by things that are out of our control. Our level of happiness is determined by 48% genetics. That blew my mind. Big life events control 40% of our happiness but these kinds of events wear off. Your happiness won't last. Finally, choice. We can choose our happiness with 12%. But it is a powerful 12%. In any situation we can allow our 12% to influence our choices.

So with all of this and deciding I was done being unhappy. I am now focusing on the good in my life and I will not stay stuck on the bad. Even when others around me are going through something hard and they seem to take it out on me, and friends, I let it roll off my back. I don't need others negative problems affecting my happiness.

I will leave you with,  LOVE YOURSELF AND LOVE OTHERS.... BUT.... if people want to suck, then bounce. lol.

Adios , Loving Luuna

2nd Year of College: What's going on?

Good morning! I've been back at school for 2 weeks now and everything is pretty awesome, aside from a few things. But hey, life's not perfect and that's a good thing.

If we look back... I have been pretty busy. Check out my vlogs from the past to weeks to help catch yourself up. I moved in the dorms... wait, I mean residence halls... and right away I experienced freezing cold showers, hot elevators, and an ab workout. Once everyone else on our floor moved in we all met and mingled and found friends. I was so excited for all the new people to move in; see what new friends I'd make. Would I keep that same as last year?

I am just so amazed at what can happen in 2 weeks. Yes. I had friends last year. Even with the summer break, being back now, we are so much closer. I live with Kallie this summer so we bonded a lot and grew so much closer. I wasn't that close with Molly last year. To be honest, she was kinda intimidating.. in a good way! She seemed so put together and worldly. Really educated. I only really talked to her because our friends were friends. You know how that goes. But some how we begun to actually talk to one another and I absolutely love her. She is great. She's a keeper.

And now I've meet some great new freshmen and I love my RA, Vanessa. Fall Welcome here at school has been a blast because it has given us a lot of fun things to do together and get to know one another better.

One thing that is really stressing me out is my job. I love working at the daycare on campus. It was a great way to get away from the stresses of school and the dorms and life. But now work is my stress. I work Monday through Friday at 7 am and I tend to work up until class. I don't really have a break. I would love getting 8 hours of sleep at night but I have homework and papers and I still need a social life. I am really trying to be smart about how I spend my time, but it is hard. Especially this year because our floor is even more social than last year, or I just want to be more social with people than I was last year. Either way, I have seriously been considering quitting my job. I know I will miss it terribly but I just don't know if I can do it. I work 23 hours a week plus have about 13 hours of class to go to. Then I have a ton of reading and homework to do. But I only have about 2 or 3 hours a night before I should be getting ready for bed and doing the day all over again.

One last thing before I go... I have started putting captions on my vlogs! Most people don't find that very exciting. In my life it is. I have a few deaf friends who are in my videos more frequently now and I want them to be able to watch my vlogs and enjoy them like everyone else. It takes a long time to do them but I am doing it so my vlogs are more inclusive.

Stay tuned for more frequent  blogs!

All my love, Heather Kimberly

Let's Start Again! I turned 19!

Hey everybody! I know it has been awhile but since it was just my 19th birthday last Wednesday I had a thought. I am 19! So close to 20 and having to start growing up for real! It is pretty terrifying. But  I know some Youtubers have vlogs and then they also have a blog which is an extension of there vlog. I have been thinking about having a coordinating blog post with my vlogs for a while and why not start now?! So maybe not with all of my vlogs but a main ones such as my birthday I am hoping to have a coordinating blog post to further express myself where I can't always do that in my vlogs. I hope you all enjoy!

To start, I can't believe it has been 6 months from when I started blogging and declared I would blog everyday... you can see how well that worked out. It just wasn't realistic in my life. But hey! I'm back and ready to go! Last Wednesday, June 25, I turned 19. It is pretty crazy. I just can't wrap my head around it.

Here are my coordinating vlogs to my birthday parties!
Surprise Birthday Number 1
Surprise Birthday Number 2

I wasn't really expecting much from my birthday this year since I am currently away at college, staying in the dorms, because I am taking summer classes. I went home the weekend before my birthday and waiting for me was a SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY! I was so excited, happy, and surprised that I cried. No joke. Watch the vlog and you will see. I was in no way expecting a party when I got home at 9 at night on Friday June 20th. I have always wanted a surprise birthday party but I really never expected to get one. A dream come true. It was absolutely perfect. The only thing that would have made it better were if all my amazing friends were there. I so do appreciate Amy, Erin, and Jerek for being there. It was perfect. Sadly Amy had to leave shortly after for work but I got to see here the next day when we went to 22 Jump Street!

On Sunday we had my family party. It was nice and simple with delicious cupcakes baked from my mum. Then on Tuesday night, Adina slept over in Kallie and my dorm room. We were up past midnight so they wished me a happy birthday then! Love it! As I mentioned before, I didn't expect much to happen on my real birthday. But guess what!? I have the best friends and family! My mom and grandma drove down that morning and took Kallie and I out to lunch to The Cheesecake Factory. Delicious! Oh! and my mom had the workers put a candle in my cheesecake and they sang me Happy Birthday! I was so surprised. Melt my heart :)

After lunch I headed to work for the afternoon where my co-worker, Amanda, gave me a gift card to Starbucks! She's the best! Also, my wonderful Buttercup friends (aka the kids I care for at daycare) made a beautifully scribbled birthday card! I heart it so much. Little kids art work is the absolute best. After work I walked back to the dorms and  hello! Kallie and Adina just... beyond words!

I walk to my door and they put a sign and a helim b-day balloon on it. I love balloons! I open my door and boom! there they are with party hats and blow whistle things. 2 SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY'S IN 1 YEAR?! What more could I ask for? They then go beyond and have presents for me and sparkling juice! Yay for non alcoholic drinks!!! Kallie also made me an ice cream cake. I just have the bestest friends in the whole world. Kallie and Adina had even decorated our room. I just about died!

All in all, one of the greatest birthday's of my life. I am so grateful to have such loving friends and family. I don't know what I would do without them.

Day 17 - Having A Life

The reason why the blogs have been very late or very very late or very short is because I am busy having a life that I then don't have the time to write about it. Either I am so very tired from a long day or I am out all night with friends and forget to write.

On January 17, 2014 I went to About Time with Brittanny. Then I went bra shopping with my mum and sister at Aerie. eww. So strange but I did find 2 bras! and they were $20 each. Such a good price. 

This is the good part. I went to my old high schools pep band at a basketball game and goodness it makes me so happy. I couldn't stop smiling and I ALWAYS sit there tapping my foot and such with the tempo/beat. I kept giggling. I just love band. And I sat there threw the game crocheting lol. I am making a scarf! I got to spend awesome time with my best friend Jerek and also Jacob. They are both seniors in high school still. After pep band was over we hung out with some friends at Jacob's house. Then when we had to leave Jacob's house we went to Bobby's house. House hopping :) But there we played The Game of Things and it got so weird and crazy. 

At one point Britt, Bobby, and I went to Festival to buy supplies. There I seemed to become loopy and I was acting like I was under the influence. I don't know what got into me. I'm pretty sure the cashier thought I was drunk. When leaving I said happy Easter to him.

Oh! So cute! Jerek drove me that night and when we drove to Bobby's he pulled up to the driveway and let me get out before he pulled to the curb because there is a lot of snow. Also at one point he was all, "Let me get that" and opened the passenger door for me. Gosh touch my heart. Love him.

So yeah. I did not expect my day to turn out that way and I am so glad that it did. I love my friends... which are my family.

{ LovingLuuna }

Never Thought College Would Change My Friends

My senior year of high school, I finally found and grew close to my friends. All the years leading up to my senior, I juggled friends and they came and gone. But then everything fell in to place senior year. Through out that year, my friends and I didn't understand how people didn't stay friends once they moved away for college. We were all so close. It didn't seem like anything could pull us apart. We all exchanged addresses so we could write letters and in the beginning we did Google Plus Hangouts and all chatted. It was fun.

But then we all started to make new college friends and we stopped communicating as much. The sad things is, when I am at college, I hardly notice since I am having fun with my new friends. Once I come home to visit though, I notice. Yes we make plans to hang out but sometimes I just want my college friends. It really makes me angry because I love my friends from high school but I seem to not be putting in effort to see them.

{ LovingLuuna }

Always Being Ditched

I hate to sound like I am complaining but it just really plain old sucks sometimes. I like to think I am a relatively good and nice person but sometimes I am just treated like crap. When I sit and look back, it seems there are so many times that I have been ditched or left behind. Being all my friends left the dance while I was still getting my things together (and we were all going to my house so they were all there before me) or simply changing or cancelling plans. I especially hate the boyfriend card. I really don't care if you have a boyfriend. I get along fine with the boyfriends but why is it necessary to ditch plans with me to go out with him. You were the one that wanted these plans in the first place and now I have to do it alone.

Sorry. If you guys really knew me, you would understand better. I normally don't let these kinds of things get to me but after awhile it all just builds up. And it hurts. Makes me just want to stay home alone and stop trying. But thankfully I am not dumb and I do like humans so I don't just stay in my room like a nub (is that right?).

Anyways, I am not going to let that get me down. Next week I get to see my BEST FRIEND!!! I am so excited! I miss her so much. We are roommates so this winter break has been torture. Plus we are finally exploring the city of Milwaukee around our campus and we are going to go to AJ Bombers for lunch. It sounds delicious and the have a veggie burger so I can't wait.

Adina and Me

Ta Ta. See you tomorrow ;)

{ LovingLuuna }