Amazing Moments Happening

Currently I have something in my life I have always dreamed of happening in this way and it is actually a real thing and happening to me! My ideal way of "dating" someone would to just start of chill, hang out, gradually kiss and such and just see where it goes. At a certain point me and the person will kind of talk about how things are going and the label we want to apply up until this point we are just friends feeling each other out and seeing how we feel.

Sooooo what's happening in real life is basically that. I meet this person on an app and we chatted a bit and then come to find out they are in one of my classes. So at this point we have only seen each other in class but haven't talked in person. Now this is about 2 months in to the semester, and we meet on the app at the being of the semester, and we would only text once in a while if I had questions about homework but we didn't talk beyond that.

Then about 2 weeks ago I had texted this person and we were just chatting and then they just asked what my intentions were. They didn't want to waste their time on any bullshit relationships or anything. I just said after our chats it seems like we could be good friends. So we continued to chat and our conversations really flowed and I was surprised. We have class twice a week and I still didn't talk to them then that week in class. I would want to but I just had  no idea what to say!

April 23, we had class and I didn't talk to them! Ugh I am so lame. After class I texted them and we chatted back and forth and then they said to come hang in their room and they would show me some of the music they like since we talked about showing each other that. So I was freaking out on the inside because I was afraid of any awkwardness but I agreed and went up to their room in the dorms.

We talked for 5 hours that night. 5 hours! I still can't believe it. And it wasn't all surface stuff. It was real stuff. As I left, we hugged no big deal and I had to go home for the weekend. That weekend we texted just a little and it was chill. But honestly I missed them. I really enjoyed talking to them.

Sunday, April 26, we were texting and I was saying how I hope to see them before class on Tuesday. So we ended up hanging out Monday night and watched Ghost Adventures which at first I was like.... Umm, this is different. But it is actually an alright show. For the first episode, we were each sitting on different ends of the bed. Into the second episode I laid down because my back was hurting. Some how we ended up laying next to each other and then we were cuddling and just being close to each other. They then had said it's bad how much they wanted to kiss me. So some how later in the night we kissed. And kept kissing. And somehow I ended up staying the night. I had absolutely no intention of sleeping over. We fell asleep around 6 am... opps!

Since then we have hung out everyday. It's crazy! in a good way. We've slept together the past 4 nights now. I never meant for this to happen. i seriously went into this wanting a friendship and now is this amazing friendship but we kind of like each other as more? and we kiss and care about each other.

The thing that baffles me the most is that all of this has happened in a week and a half since we hung out in person for the first time. How does this happen?

I'm hurting and I'm alone

I have tried so many times to write about this girl I'm falling in love with and how I feel and how we met. I just can't seem to get it right. I want it to be perfect and I want to explain everything. But I can't. And I hate it. But right now I need to talk about how I'm hurting. 

I'm fAlling apart so bad right now and I'm all alone. I don't have anyone to talk to. Of course I have my family, my siblings, but they won't get it. Know one will understand this empty feeling I have inside. I don't know how to fix it. And I don't even know if there is a reason. That's why it's hard to talk to anyone. Because even I don't understand what is happening to me. 

I wake up just feeling so icky and depressed. Thankfully, lately, the weather has been amazing! And it puts me in a good mood. Everyday I wake up with the hope that today will be a good day and it has been starting out that way lately. But then as the day goes on, it kind of goes down hill. Nothing good happens. I don't get to see the one person I want to see the most. 

Growing up, I had the best group of friends. All the way through high school. Now in college, I haven't had a consistent group of friends. And I don't know how to deal with it. It tore me apart first semester when I was losing everyone and I felt so alone. This semester has been better. I am getting really close with Maranda who I knew from last year but we weren't close. But the only thing I'm worried about is last year I got close with someone and now this year we don't even talk. Stupid stuff happened and now it sucks. So I'm just so worried that I'm going to lose everyone again. 

That's all for now. I can't keep going on about this. This all sucks but I still try to find some sliver of good. It's hard but I can't still smile at when I think of th r good times with this girl and her amazing smile and laugh. I am so sad but one day I won't be, right?

Deliberately Left-Out and Disrespect

Do any of you know how it feels to emotionally get stabbed in the heart? I do. Lately it seems it happens everyday. By one person or another. Some times they don't know they do it. Either way my heart has been in pain for a while now.

I'm not sure how people can deliberately leave people out who are suppose to be their friends. I also don't understand how they can be okay with it; morally. I could never purposely put someone though all this pain. Yes, sometimes I can get mad and stressed, I'll say the wrong thing in the heat of the moment. Once I look back, I'll own up to my mistake and apologize. I'm not saying I am anywhere near perfect but I have high standards for myself and for others. I promise myself that I will not allow to be treated with a lack of respect and I will NEVER stay in a relationship where I am treated badly.

It kills me when people stay in unhealthy relationships. I tell myself that I wouldn't stay but I don't know how it feels to be in love with a person but have negative aspects to the relationship. From my position on the outside, I say leave. But what the people in the relationship are going through is different because they have the love.

- Loving Luuna

2nd Year of College: What's going on?

Good morning! I've been back at school for 2 weeks now and everything is pretty awesome, aside from a few things. But hey, life's not perfect and that's a good thing.

If we look back... I have been pretty busy. Check out my vlogs from the past to weeks to help catch yourself up. I moved in the dorms... wait, I mean residence halls... and right away I experienced freezing cold showers, hot elevators, and an ab workout. Once everyone else on our floor moved in we all met and mingled and found friends. I was so excited for all the new people to move in; see what new friends I'd make. Would I keep that same as last year?

I am just so amazed at what can happen in 2 weeks. Yes. I had friends last year. Even with the summer break, being back now, we are so much closer. I live with Kallie this summer so we bonded a lot and grew so much closer. I wasn't that close with Molly last year. To be honest, she was kinda intimidating.. in a good way! She seemed so put together and worldly. Really educated. I only really talked to her because our friends were friends. You know how that goes. But some how we begun to actually talk to one another and I absolutely love her. She is great. She's a keeper.

And now I've meet some great new freshmen and I love my RA, Vanessa. Fall Welcome here at school has been a blast because it has given us a lot of fun things to do together and get to know one another better.

One thing that is really stressing me out is my job. I love working at the daycare on campus. It was a great way to get away from the stresses of school and the dorms and life. But now work is my stress. I work Monday through Friday at 7 am and I tend to work up until class. I don't really have a break. I would love getting 8 hours of sleep at night but I have homework and papers and I still need a social life. I am really trying to be smart about how I spend my time, but it is hard. Especially this year because our floor is even more social than last year, or I just want to be more social with people than I was last year. Either way, I have seriously been considering quitting my job. I know I will miss it terribly but I just don't know if I can do it. I work 23 hours a week plus have about 13 hours of class to go to. Then I have a ton of reading and homework to do. But I only have about 2 or 3 hours a night before I should be getting ready for bed and doing the day all over again.

One last thing before I go... I have started putting captions on my vlogs! Most people don't find that very exciting. In my life it is. I have a few deaf friends who are in my videos more frequently now and I want them to be able to watch my vlogs and enjoy them like everyone else. It takes a long time to do them but I am doing it so my vlogs are more inclusive.

Stay tuned for more frequent  blogs!

All my love, Heather Kimberly

It all comes back to me Loving you more than you Love me

I am going to be honest. I am currently writing this as I am crying. Does it ever happen to you where you have so much going on that you just need to cry? This seems to happen to me not frequently but not never either. I just have so many things going on in my life and then there was one more thing added to my pile that I take off my glasses and cry. Rub my eyes and fall apart. There is just so much frustration inside of me sometimes. Part of it is because I feel more for people than they do for me so I end up having "higher"expectations I guess and they continue to fail me and I feel disappointment. It makes me remember that they don't love me as much. It hurts but it is reality. Ugh! Seriously I don't have time for this!

Oblivious or Does It Even Matter?

Looking back (it's really not that far back, to about sophomore, maybe even junior year of high school) I feel like I didn't even know that my uncle had a disability. He was just my uncle. Did other people notice? One reason is because I am just oblivious. But with that I feel that the obliviousness is also more that it really didn't matter that he had a disability. I loved him so much that it was insignificant. Anyway, my uncle had Cerebral Palsy or CP. It was more on the lower level of the spectrum though because he could talk and walk and function like most people in society but he did have some muscle problems I believe. Possibly some learning disabilities as well but I don't really know. All I know is that he was my uncle and I will always love him even though he isn't here anymore.

{Heather Kimberly}

Day 17 - Having A Life

The reason why the blogs have been very late or very very late or very short is because I am busy having a life that I then don't have the time to write about it. Either I am so very tired from a long day or I am out all night with friends and forget to write.

On January 17, 2014 I went to About Time with Brittanny. Then I went bra shopping with my mum and sister at Aerie. eww. So strange but I did find 2 bras! and they were $20 each. Such a good price. 

This is the good part. I went to my old high schools pep band at a basketball game and goodness it makes me so happy. I couldn't stop smiling and I ALWAYS sit there tapping my foot and such with the tempo/beat. I kept giggling. I just love band. And I sat there threw the game crocheting lol. I am making a scarf! I got to spend awesome time with my best friend Jerek and also Jacob. They are both seniors in high school still. After pep band was over we hung out with some friends at Jacob's house. Then when we had to leave Jacob's house we went to Bobby's house. House hopping :) But there we played The Game of Things and it got so weird and crazy. 

At one point Britt, Bobby, and I went to Festival to buy supplies. There I seemed to become loopy and I was acting like I was under the influence. I don't know what got into me. I'm pretty sure the cashier thought I was drunk. When leaving I said happy Easter to him.

Oh! So cute! Jerek drove me that night and when we drove to Bobby's he pulled up to the driveway and let me get out before he pulled to the curb because there is a lot of snow. Also at one point he was all, "Let me get that" and opened the passenger door for me. Gosh touch my heart. Love him.

So yeah. I did not expect my day to turn out that way and I am so glad that it did. I love my friends... which are my family.

{ LovingLuuna }