Amazing Moments Happening

Currently I have something in my life I have always dreamed of happening in this way and it is actually a real thing and happening to me! My ideal way of "dating" someone would to just start of chill, hang out, gradually kiss and such and just see where it goes. At a certain point me and the person will kind of talk about how things are going and the label we want to apply up until this point we are just friends feeling each other out and seeing how we feel.

Sooooo what's happening in real life is basically that. I meet this person on an app and we chatted a bit and then come to find out they are in one of my classes. So at this point we have only seen each other in class but haven't talked in person. Now this is about 2 months in to the semester, and we meet on the app at the being of the semester, and we would only text once in a while if I had questions about homework but we didn't talk beyond that.

Then about 2 weeks ago I had texted this person and we were just chatting and then they just asked what my intentions were. They didn't want to waste their time on any bullshit relationships or anything. I just said after our chats it seems like we could be good friends. So we continued to chat and our conversations really flowed and I was surprised. We have class twice a week and I still didn't talk to them then that week in class. I would want to but I just had  no idea what to say!

April 23, we had class and I didn't talk to them! Ugh I am so lame. After class I texted them and we chatted back and forth and then they said to come hang in their room and they would show me some of the music they like since we talked about showing each other that. So I was freaking out on the inside because I was afraid of any awkwardness but I agreed and went up to their room in the dorms.

We talked for 5 hours that night. 5 hours! I still can't believe it. And it wasn't all surface stuff. It was real stuff. As I left, we hugged no big deal and I had to go home for the weekend. That weekend we texted just a little and it was chill. But honestly I missed them. I really enjoyed talking to them.

Sunday, April 26, we were texting and I was saying how I hope to see them before class on Tuesday. So we ended up hanging out Monday night and watched Ghost Adventures which at first I was like.... Umm, this is different. But it is actually an alright show. For the first episode, we were each sitting on different ends of the bed. Into the second episode I laid down because my back was hurting. Some how we ended up laying next to each other and then we were cuddling and just being close to each other. They then had said it's bad how much they wanted to kiss me. So some how later in the night we kissed. And kept kissing. And somehow I ended up staying the night. I had absolutely no intention of sleeping over. We fell asleep around 6 am... opps!

Since then we have hung out everyday. It's crazy! in a good way. We've slept together the past 4 nights now. I never meant for this to happen. i seriously went into this wanting a friendship and now is this amazing friendship but we kind of like each other as more? and we kiss and care about each other.

The thing that baffles me the most is that all of this has happened in a week and a half since we hung out in person for the first time. How does this happen?

How I Express Sadness

The other day I was thinking about how I express deep heartbreak and sadness... Which is that I don't, at least in the way you think is the typical way in which people express sadness. In high school I felt that I would appear weak if I cried in front of people or showed that something was affecting me. 

May 2012, the end of my Junior year of high school, my uncle died of lung cancer. I had come home from school and saw my grandmas car there. I didn't really think it was weird that she was there, but I should have since she hadn't left her house since my uncle was sick because she had to stay with him. I parked my car and started to head into the house. I walk in the kitchen and saw hi and then my family is all there and they tell me he died. I'm pretty sure I just said, "Oh." And then I said I needed to put aloe on my sunburn. I went upstairs to my room and got the aloe. Inside I was breaking. I was choking back tears. My body wanted to cry so bad but I tried my best to hold it in. 

I love my uncle so much. He is the absolute best. I was in my room and had a few tears fall down my check and then I got a tissue, wiped them away and composed myself. I headed back downstairs and was just chatting with my family. I just didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want it to be real. I'm not sure why I didn't think I could cry. I still don't understand why I kept it all in. If this happened right now, I would have broken right there and cried so hard. 

That night I cried myself to sleep. I cried so hard. The next day at school my best friend hugged me in the morning and told me she was sorry. That hug made me tear up a bit and I had to pull away and say thank you and head to class or I would have broken down right there. Looking back, I regret keeping it together. I feel like I didn't get to grieve because I tried to just push it away. If I didn't think about it or talk about it, It's not real. It didn't happen. 

I'm hurting and I'm alone

I have tried so many times to write about this girl I'm falling in love with and how I feel and how we met. I just can't seem to get it right. I want it to be perfect and I want to explain everything. But I can't. And I hate it. But right now I need to talk about how I'm hurting. 

I'm fAlling apart so bad right now and I'm all alone. I don't have anyone to talk to. Of course I have my family, my siblings, but they won't get it. Know one will understand this empty feeling I have inside. I don't know how to fix it. And I don't even know if there is a reason. That's why it's hard to talk to anyone. Because even I don't understand what is happening to me. 

I wake up just feeling so icky and depressed. Thankfully, lately, the weather has been amazing! And it puts me in a good mood. Everyday I wake up with the hope that today will be a good day and it has been starting out that way lately. But then as the day goes on, it kind of goes down hill. Nothing good happens. I don't get to see the one person I want to see the most. 

Growing up, I had the best group of friends. All the way through high school. Now in college, I haven't had a consistent group of friends. And I don't know how to deal with it. It tore me apart first semester when I was losing everyone and I felt so alone. This semester has been better. I am getting really close with Maranda who I knew from last year but we weren't close. But the only thing I'm worried about is last year I got close with someone and now this year we don't even talk. Stupid stuff happened and now it sucks. So I'm just so worried that I'm going to lose everyone again. 

That's all for now. I can't keep going on about this. This all sucks but I still try to find some sliver of good. It's hard but I can't still smile at when I think of th r good times with this girl and her amazing smile and laugh. I am so sad but one day I won't be, right?

Deliberately Left-Out and Disrespect

Do any of you know how it feels to emotionally get stabbed in the heart? I do. Lately it seems it happens everyday. By one person or another. Some times they don't know they do it. Either way my heart has been in pain for a while now.

I'm not sure how people can deliberately leave people out who are suppose to be their friends. I also don't understand how they can be okay with it; morally. I could never purposely put someone though all this pain. Yes, sometimes I can get mad and stressed, I'll say the wrong thing in the heat of the moment. Once I look back, I'll own up to my mistake and apologize. I'm not saying I am anywhere near perfect but I have high standards for myself and for others. I promise myself that I will not allow to be treated with a lack of respect and I will NEVER stay in a relationship where I am treated badly.

It kills me when people stay in unhealthy relationships. I tell myself that I wouldn't stay but I don't know how it feels to be in love with a person but have negative aspects to the relationship. From my position on the outside, I say leave. But what the people in the relationship are going through is different because they have the love.

- Loving Luuna

Choosing Happiness

Hey everybody!

Lately I have been having a hard time. I've pretty down, I have been letting every little thing bother me. It is taking a toll on me and the people around me. But I have decided to choose to be happy. I read this quote,

"You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying attention to."

- Robin Williams

I then found this video on Youtube and it was really powerful. It discussed that our happiness is controlled by things that are out of our control. Our level of happiness is determined by 48% genetics. That blew my mind. Big life events control 40% of our happiness but these kinds of events wear off. Your happiness won't last. Finally, choice. We can choose our happiness with 12%. But it is a powerful 12%. In any situation we can allow our 12% to influence our choices.

So with all of this and deciding I was done being unhappy. I am now focusing on the good in my life and I will not stay stuck on the bad. Even when others around me are going through something hard and they seem to take it out on me, and friends, I let it roll off my back. I don't need others negative problems affecting my happiness.

I will leave you with,  LOVE YOURSELF AND LOVE OTHERS.... BUT.... if people want to suck, then bounce. lol.

Adios , Loving Luuna

2nd Year of College: What's going on?

Good morning! I've been back at school for 2 weeks now and everything is pretty awesome, aside from a few things. But hey, life's not perfect and that's a good thing.

If we look back... I have been pretty busy. Check out my vlogs from the past to weeks to help catch yourself up. I moved in the dorms... wait, I mean residence halls... and right away I experienced freezing cold showers, hot elevators, and an ab workout. Once everyone else on our floor moved in we all met and mingled and found friends. I was so excited for all the new people to move in; see what new friends I'd make. Would I keep that same as last year?

I am just so amazed at what can happen in 2 weeks. Yes. I had friends last year. Even with the summer break, being back now, we are so much closer. I live with Kallie this summer so we bonded a lot and grew so much closer. I wasn't that close with Molly last year. To be honest, she was kinda intimidating.. in a good way! She seemed so put together and worldly. Really educated. I only really talked to her because our friends were friends. You know how that goes. But some how we begun to actually talk to one another and I absolutely love her. She is great. She's a keeper.

And now I've meet some great new freshmen and I love my RA, Vanessa. Fall Welcome here at school has been a blast because it has given us a lot of fun things to do together and get to know one another better.

One thing that is really stressing me out is my job. I love working at the daycare on campus. It was a great way to get away from the stresses of school and the dorms and life. But now work is my stress. I work Monday through Friday at 7 am and I tend to work up until class. I don't really have a break. I would love getting 8 hours of sleep at night but I have homework and papers and I still need a social life. I am really trying to be smart about how I spend my time, but it is hard. Especially this year because our floor is even more social than last year, or I just want to be more social with people than I was last year. Either way, I have seriously been considering quitting my job. I know I will miss it terribly but I just don't know if I can do it. I work 23 hours a week plus have about 13 hours of class to go to. Then I have a ton of reading and homework to do. But I only have about 2 or 3 hours a night before I should be getting ready for bed and doing the day all over again.

One last thing before I go... I have started putting captions on my vlogs! Most people don't find that very exciting. In my life it is. I have a few deaf friends who are in my videos more frequently now and I want them to be able to watch my vlogs and enjoy them like everyone else. It takes a long time to do them but I am doing it so my vlogs are more inclusive.

Stay tuned for more frequent  blogs!

All my love, Heather Kimberly

Summer Dorm Room Tour (University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee)

Hey ya'll! I'm back with a tour of my summer dorm room! I stayed in Sandburg East Tower, room D, for 2 months while I took Public Speaking and ASL 3. Watch my coordinating vlog room tour!

I was at the end of the hall in my suite, which was actually really nice because then it was quieter.

These 2 pictures are the closets that Kallie and I shared. Kallie got the lower shelves and the hanging area that was more accessible. As  you can see part of my hanging clothes are behind a wall. That is called a "dumb layout" but since Kallie is like 5'4'', she would not be able to reach back their to grab her clothes. And me being 5'7'', I can.

This is my desk. It is so beautiful with all my frames and pictures. Oh and notice that amazing lamp that matches everything else in my room. So cool!

Enjoy this bookshelf that came in the room. It held my amazing TV so Kallie and I could binge on tons of HGTV along with Rookie Blue, of course. On the shelves I put more frames (what else) and some books :), nail polish and a mini sewing kit (the mason jar).

Under my very high and raised bed I stored my shoes and cube. The ended up being my step stool because my bed ended up going up to my stomach. Behind that I kept my suitcases for going  home on the weekends and the totes to pack up at the end of my stay.

This is the side table that also came with the room. I put my printer on it and stored extra paper and personal care products; shampoo, soap, band aids, tide stick, etc; in the drawers. Oh and in the left corner is my laundry hamper.

Here is my beautifully made bed that never looks this beautiful so please enjoy.

Hope you enjoyed this tour and make sure to check out my coordinating vlog for a different perspective of the room. I also show you the kitchen and bathroom situation in the vlog.

<div> Hey ya'll! I'm back with a tour of my summer dorm room! I stayed in Sandburg East Tower, room D, for 2 months while I took Public Speaking and ASL 3. </div> <div> <br></div> <div> I was at the end of the hall in my suite, which was actually really nice because then it was quieter.</div> <div> <br></div> <div> These 2 pictures are the closets that Kallie and I shared. Kallie got the lower shelves and the hanging area that was more accessible. As  you can see part of my hanging clothes are behind a wall. That is called a "dumb layout" but since Kallie is like 5'4'', she would not be able to reach back their to grab her clothes. And me being 5'7'', I can.</div> <div> <br></div> <div> <img width="1316" src="http://i.imgur.com/MvJXqU2.jpg"></div> <div> <br></div> <div> <img width="1316" src="http://i.imgur.com/354kFqF.jpg"></div> <div> <br></div> <div> This is my desk. It is so beautiful with all my frames and pictures. Oh and notice that amazing lamp that matches everything else in my room. So cool!</div> <div> <br></div> <div> <img width="1316" src="http://i.imgur.com/HGKj8gH.jpg"></div> <div> <br></div> <div> Enjoy this bookshelf that came in the room. It held my amazing TV so Kallie and I could binge on tons of HGTV along with Rookie Blue, of course. On the shelves I put more frames (what else) and some books :)</div> <div> <br></div> <div> <br></div> </div> </div>